News

Three Boston Deacons Serve in the Rescue Effort at Ground Zero

Be With Me Lord, When I Am In Trouble. Be With Me Lord, I Pray

God, why am I here? I don't think I can do this for you? Why have you done this to me? Those questions and many more would be answered serving those who serve at "Ground Zero". On September, 24t" - 28th I walked on Holy Ground at Ground Zero while serving as Chaplain for the Kingston Fire Department.

DAY ONE: Just prior to walking onto the train a reporter asked me, "What is your job as chaplain?" My job is to remind the men and women that no matter what horror or trauma they experience, God is with them. To be healthy, one must be physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy. My job is to keep them spiritually healthy. Sounded good, little did I know how my mental health would suffer and my spirituality changed forever.

Ground Zero: We just stood there and looked at the site. Too much damage to put into words. TV doesn't begin to tell you the truth about what we are about to experience. Massive destruction and loss of life. Ground Zero is a sensory overload. The size of it, the sound it makes, the smell of smoke and death is more than I have ever experienced in my life. I thought Vietnam was life changing, this is far worse for me.

We move out. We try one street and can't get through; the pile is 30 feet high and smoke pours out of the twisted steel and concrete. I can't recognize anything. Where are the desks, the chairs, and filing cabinets? There had to be thousands of them, yet I can't find anything I can recognize! I begin to cough the smell hurts my throat and lungs.(The cough stays with me for three weeks.)

I'm wearing my white turn out gear with my chaplain helmet, but it is my collar that the men reach out to. The collar is like the Easter Candle in the darkness, the light of Christ. Thank you Jesus, I don't have to speak you will speak for me.

"I'm Chaplain Rich from Massachusetts and I am here for you."

"Thanks Chaplain for coming to see us." He says what I will hear a hundred times over and over, "I'm hanging in there."

I talk to the group and we pray together; Christ is with us. A Deputy Chief walks over and grabs me by the shoulders and says "Chaplain, I have 40 men in that pile. I'm so glad you are here." He was near tears, but controlled brave beyond words. He held on to me and was closer than I liked but I could see in his eyes he needed me to listen to him. After 10 minutes or so still holding me he said "Please come back, please come back and see me." My heart is broken for you and your men, I promise I will be back to see you. (I go back many times over the next 5 days. I will never forget his face and those beautiful sad eyes.)

It takes me over 2 hours to walk around Ground Zero and I have talked to every firefighter I could. By the time I get to the morgue I am already tired. How do these men hang in there? Faith? Me too?

THE MORGUE: 200 yards from Ground Zero there is a plywood walled area with the word "MORGUE" spray painted over the entrance. Inside are a large tent with cold steel tables and a refrigeration truck outside. (another flash back)

An EMT asks me, "It gets pretty bad in here; do you want a mask and gloves?" No thanks. I look at the prayers and prepare myself for what I am about to experience. We get a heads up over the radio that a body part is coming in.

Two men bring in a pink plastic bag; they tell where it was found. It is marked on a grid, tagged, and handed over to me. I feel my head spin and my stomach turns. My knees are weak. It's just guts, I tell my self. Why am I here God? I can't do this for you. Then in my head I hear the words of this song, "Be with me Lord when I am in trouble, be with me Lord, I pray." I say the prayers and end with, ?????

I reach out and touch the body part. No longer guts, but Gods' son or daughter, my brother or sister. I am right where God wanted me to be, serving those who serve. This will be repeated many times, over and over. End of day one. I went back to my hotel cried, prayed, and tried to sleep.

Before I went to "Ground Zero", my wife Pafti and our children Alison, Russell and Meaghan talked about how going to the site could open up some old wounds and how I might change. We all agreed we would get through this as a family. Our love and Gods' love for us can heal any wound.

Father Mychal Judge, Chaplain FDNY was killed at Ground Zero, This was his prayer.

"Lord, take me where you want me to go Let me meet who you want me to meet Tell me what you want me to say and keep me out of your way."

Deacon Richard G. Monroe, 1998