Diaconia
Online

Volume XXIII
Number 2
May 2003

A Widow’s Journey

THE FIRST YEAR:  When my beloved husband, Deacon Richard Gindel, died on March 9, 2001 my journey of pain, separation and sorrow began.  After three years of battling cancer, he joyfully went to the Lord with the words to his confessor, “I am ready and Sarah is ready.”  I was certainly not ready, and 40 years of marriage was not long enough to love and live with such a good man.  I had been strong for him, and never told him how devastated I would be without him.  I really never said goodbye. 

I thought that taking care of Richard during the years of his operations, chemotherapy, endless trips to Mass General Hospital, and watching him die, were the hardest things I had ever done.  I was to learn that living without him was even harder.

After the initial period of mourning with friends and family, life for all those around me went back to normal.  After a few months, the phone calls slowed, and most people assumed I was getting along fine.  Even the Diaconate community did not rally around as I had expected.  I appear to be a strong person, although I did not feel strong during the first year.  I was still grieving and asking God again and again, “why?” Why would he call home a man so needed to work in the vineyard, so good, so loving, so beloved?  He left 5 grieving children and 9 grandchildren who were special to him, and they to him.  Why?  I started to question my faith in a God who did not answer my prayers for a cure.  Richard had prayed that His will be done, while I had specifically asked God to PHYSICALLY heal my husband.  Did I not have sufficient faith for a miracle to take place?  While Richard earned his reward, was I to be punished for my lack of goodness and faith, and live maybe 30 more years without him?  All I could do was attend daily Mass.  I couldn’t pray the Liturgy of the Hours; I couldn’t pray without railing against God.  I was without hope.  I cried almost every day.  I was very lonely. 

As the wife of a deacon, you have certain recognition in the community. That no longer existed.  My husband’s pastor at St. Ann’s left, and the new pastor never knew Richard.   I lost a connection.  The clergy on Cape Ann, who were such an integral part of our lives during Richard’s assignment, rarely called.  Maybe they felt that as a widow it would not be proper to have lunch or dinner alone.  I felt abandoned by those who were supposed to be “pastoral”. 

My children were coping with their loss with varying degrees of success.  I never wanted to let them know how much I was grieving and questioning God’s will. I was supposed to be the strong one.  Life and family functions went on as usual.  The first Easter was the hardest followed by Christmas and then Thanksgiving.  We always prayed for him on those occasions.  On his birthday, I spent the whole day at the movie theater to forget the day.  On the first anniversary of his death, I had a special mass followed by a brunch with family and friends.  I knew in my head that Richard was in a better place, a place he had earned by his faithfulness, but my heart was broken by a circumstance that God knew was coming.  Why was I not prepared for this event?  Why was my spirit so weak? Why did God institute the sacrament of marriage if one partner will most certainly outlive the other and feel this intense sorrow?   Instead of “why” it was now, “why me”?  What did I do to deserve this?

THE SECOND YEAR:  Now that the “firsts” were over, I was sure that the second year would be much easier.  I was wrong.  During the first year, most people give you a wide berth and assume you are in the grieving period.  While they do not necessarily call, they don’t expect much from you. They leave you alone.  During the second year reality sets in, and it is business as usual.  When asked, “How are you?” and I answer, “okay” or “hanging in”, some people wonder why I answer in that manner.   How can I say “fine” when I don’t feel fine.  I began to answer “fine” to certain people who were bothered by my more honest feelings.  It seemed easier.

But I am slowly healing.  I have begun to trust that God has a plan for me.  He must have called Richard home for a reason, but I will never know why until I see Him face to face.  As a widow, no longer a couple, I know that I must reinvent myself, and find my way without my husband. I knew Richard from the age of 15.  He defined who I was.  We grew up together. What direction to take is the hard question.  Do I return to work or hope my savings will last in this uncertain economy?  Do I move to a smaller home or stay in the condo as an investment?

 I continue to work in the parish and have taken on a new volunteer position as a court appointed special advocate (CASA) in the juvenile court in Boston.  I work with the poor on Cape Ann.  I lector.  I quilt.  I still cry but not as often. I traveled to Europe last fall without Richard.  I started to work out.  A grandson was born who never knew his grandfather. Luke Richard was baptized by a priest I did not know.   I can now watch old videos of Richard and the kids during our life together, and smile and remember the good times.  I am starting to look to the future.  I have been accepted in a master’s program at my alma mater in Virginia that begins in August.  

I still have a hard time praying, but continue to go to daily mass. The scriptures are rich in messages of hope and faith during times of adversity.  Maybe I am to take up the cross and follow Him.  Maybe I am to live the gospel and not just proclaim it. Suffering and loss are part of life.  For some reason my loss seemed larger than life. I have come to realize that I cannot look to others for consolation but only to Him.  I am His child and can crawl into His lap whenever I need to.  He will give me the direction I so need. I have to trust and hope that some good will come out of this awful loss. He will show me the way.  I am expecting nothing out of the third year but growth - hopefully less pain, more joy and acceptance.  Life again has possibilities.

Sarah Gindel ‘92

Boston Deacon Leads U. S. House in Prayer

On March 12, 2003, Deacon Gene Counihan, ’77 became the first Deacon to lead the opening prayer for the U.S. House of Representatives. Guest chaplains are nominated by members of Congress and must be approved by Fr. Daniel Coughlin, House chaplain. Gene said he was nominated because his son Gerry is an employee of the House.

From the Director

Instead of the usual column please allow me to present the following statement from the Deacon Council. Thank you, Deacon Leo

As ordained deacons of the church – married, single, fathers and grandfathers, we see our role as enabling all God's people to see and participate in the many ways the Church of Boston is responding to the evil of sexual abuse so that we can emerge from this crisis better equipped to protect our children.

Deacons have felt all the emotions common to their fellow Catholics of the Archdiocese of Boston.  We have struggled, as men of the church, to respond to the crisis in ways that are honest, authentic and helpful to the people of God whom we serve.

We believe that our role in regard to the crisis arises from our fundamental vocation of diakonia, service. As deacons, we are committed to doing everything possible to promote healing and reconciliation, and we recognize that this work can take, as many forms as there are deacons and situations in which we find ourselves.

We hope to promote healing and reconciliation by expressing solidarity with victims and their families with whom we come in contact, encouraging them to avail themselves of the services of the Archdiocese of Boston through the Office of Child Advocacy, Implementation and Oversight, headed by our brother Deacon Anthony P. Rizzuto.

We encourage people to remain involved in the Church through the various ministries that are available to them, especially in their parishes. We applaud the current climate of openness in the church in responding to such offenses, and we affirm our solidarity with the entire people of God.

Deacon Council

Deacons in the North Region

The North Region of the Archdiocese of Boston is led by Bishop Francis X. Irwin who is assisted by 130 priests, 44 deacons, and numerous lay leaders. Among the 4 vicariates, there are 79 parishes that contain approximately 305,807 registered parishioners.

The 44 Deacons, four of whom are Senior Deacons, are exercising their ministry and service in 31 parishes within the North region and in prison ministry. 

For a long time now, Deacons, and in some cases their wives have been visiting and ministering to the populations in the Middleton House of Correction.  They have also involved the laity in several parishes on the North Shore, and they also visit the complex regularly for prayer and recitation of the rosary. 

Ministry to those in hospitals, supervised by Monsignor Paul Garrity with Deacon Norm LaPointe has extended an invitation to surrounding parishes to include their willing ministers of the Eucharist in this important work.  Some deacons, such as Tim Dempsey are quite heavily immersed in hospital ministry.  Tim, in addition to coordinating Eucharistic Ministry to homebound in his parish of St. Mary’s in Lynn, is also doing the same thing at Lynn’s Union Hospital, as well as devising and distributing schedules for the priest’s emergency coverage at Union.  He conducts regular Communion-Worship services at Union Hospital’s Geriatric/Psychiatric unit and at Bayridge Hospital in Lynn and at various nursing homes throughout his parish. 

Bob Amerault, of St. Joseph parish in Medford, often presides at Committal services. Leo Martin of St. John the Baptist parish in Peabody, is often called upon to provide this same Church presence at Funeral Homes in Peabody as well as committal services at local cemeteries.    

Leo Martin is currently responsible for organizing and training of lay ministry participants as well as overall direction of Liturgy at St. John the Baptist.  He participates in a local cable television monthly presentation called RUACH, an interfaith panel discussion held at various facilities in the city and consisting of representatives of Protestant, Jewish, and Catholic clergy and religious who plan and present a spiritually based program throughout the year for those living in elderly housing within the city.  RUACH is also a regular happening in the city of Lynn and in the Amesbury/Haverhill area.

Phil Hardcastle and his wife Lilian are very busy in several areas of ministry at St. Charles Borromeo in Woburn.  Phil and Lilian’s story was featured with an extensive article in the local paper, which made clear to the reader how the Deacon’s role has been restored in our time.  North region deacons are working in food assistance programs in Lynn, and in service programs that assist those with housing and other needs in these times of financial stress and frequent cut-backs in services.

Deacon Ted Koval, who moved here, as a Senior Deacon from Pennsylvania, works 3 days a week as an “All-Faiths” staff chaplain at the Life Care Center of the North Shore in Lynn.  He was a “Facility Chaplaincy Program Director” for several years at a maximum security-all male-state prison in Pennsylvania before retiring two years ago and moving to Massachusetts.  Ted is assigned to St. Paul’s in Hamilton where his wife works with the parish secretary from time to time.  Merely a few examples of the ever-present reality of the Spirit of the Lord who continues to touch and heal His people. 

Deacon Leo Martin, ‘77

A Fire Burning in My Heart:  Discerning Vocation

Last summer a 22-year-old woman walked up to a stage at MIT and received her master’s degree in Planetary Astronomy.  Her name was Sarah.  She finished her master’s degree in 9 months, had straight A’s, and wrote a thesis on some important discoveries about the nature of our solar system.  And one week after graduation she entered the religious life.  How did she know that God was calling her to a particular vocation in religious life?  When I first entered the Diaconate formation program many friends and family members asked me why I felt the need to be a deacon.  ‘Can’t a lay person ‘do’ most of the ‘things’ that a deacon can do?’, they would ask.  Many of Sarah’s professors and fellow students asked her the same kind of questions and sought to dissuade her from walking away from the life of a scientist.  These questions speak directly to the heart of vocational discernment; to the true question that lies within:  ‘What is my deepest desire where the breath of God stirs the embers of my heart into a flame of passion?’

At baptism, we are each anointed to be ‘priest, prophet, and king’, and so every one of us has a baptismal vocation to embrace and live the gospel.  We all have a calling from Christ to holiness and service; the call that Micah spells out for us – to seek justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with our God.  And that vocation can be rejuvenated and rekindled at different times in our lives through experiences of grace – the birth of a child, a powerful retreat, a serious illness, a life-changing event in our family, a moment of deep communion with Christ.  Such experiences of grace will most certainly stir the flame in our hearts and lead us to live our baptismal call in more zealous and active ways.  

Sometimes, however, God is calling us to a deeper place.  How do we discern such a call?  How do we test the Spirit that invites us to consider a vocation to the priesthood, the Diaconate, or to religious life?

The spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius focus on the discernment of spirits, and so we can gain some insight from his great gift to our Church.  The exercises pay particular attention to those experiences and thoughts that bring feelings of consolation.  Our discernment should look at how such consolation occurs – does it find its origin in God or in us?  With the Diaconate, for example, if this sense of consolation comes from the idea of being part of the hierarchy, or being able to ‘do’ certain things (preach or baptize, for example), we should be careful to investigate our motives.  If, however, the consolation comes in spite of the questions and concerns and head-shaking of others who can’t understand the whole idea, then we should think more deeply about such a calling, and listen even more closely for God’s breath in our hearts.  Sarah was constantly chided by well meaning teachers and fellow students as ‘wasting her talents’ by leaving the research world for the Dominican Sisters, but she was overwhelmed with the love and consolation of Christ in her calling to a religious vocation.  In spite of constant objection and reasoned logic from others, her peace and joy grew deeper with each passing day and she came to understand her vocation more fully.  Sarah was compelled to follow this calling, not by her own desire, but the desire of God.

Having watched this discernment process in Sarah, it is much easier to look back at my own discernment in the Diaconate program and see some similarity.  I spent several years hearing the reasoned questions and concerns of family and friends about my movement towards the Diaconate – we had young children, my wife and I both worked and had long commutes; the Church would expect too much from deacons due to the declining population of priests; as a committed lay person I could do many important and wonderful ministries, and on and on.  All of these concerns were very true, and yet for some unknown reason, I was drawn towards the Diaconate, towards a deeper vocation of service to Christ.  The call of Christ was a flame that grew only stronger with time.  The words of Jeremiah capture this experience:  ‘it becomes like a fire burning in my heart, I grow weary holding it in’. 

A flame begins first as a spark, or an ember.  So it is important to look for the seeds of that fire in our hearts when we seek to discern a vocational calling.  If that call seems to be to the Diaconate, then we should see the sparks of Jeremiah’s flame in our desire to be the Servant Christ.  Do we find consolation and peace in reaching out to the broken hearted, the poor, and the sick in our midst?  Do we see Christ’s face in the nameless and forgotten in our society?  And does the fire in our hearts grow higher and brighter as we walk with those who walk alone?

Every vocation is sacred.  Every calling from God is holy.  Our baptism calls us to a life of service in the gospel, a life that is filled with faith, hope, and love; a life of peace and joy.  But sometimes, in mystery and grace, God whispers into a person’s heart and points out an even deeper desire - a desire to walk even more closely with Christ, a desire that allows them to pick up an even heavier cross, but one that brings a deeper joy and peace.  That is a very special gift of grace.  And how blessed are they who hear that whisper and experience that fire burning in their hearts.  Sarah knows that passion.  Please God that others may come to know it as well.

Deacon Dan Burns, ‘94

Members of the Class of 2006

Continuing in this issue we are introducing the members of the class of 2006 who have just started their year of aspirancy.

Pamela and John Hulme are members of Holy Family Parish in Duxbury. John’s roots are in St. Peter’s Parish, Dorchester; Pam’s in Sacred Heart Parish, Quincy.  John graduated from Boston College High School and went on to obtain a bachelor’s degree in computer science from Bentley College with highest honors, a Master’s degree in Business Administration from Suffolk University, and Master’s degree in Accounting and Finance from Bentley College.  Pam graduated from Boston State College with a degree in biology and received a Master of Science degree in Microbiology from Northeastern University. Presently, Pam is Supervisor of Phlebotomy Services at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.  Both Pam and John serve as Eucharistic ministers, participate in CCD instruction and a weekly prayer group in their parish.  They work extensively with my Brother’s Keeper in Brockton, delivering food and setting up furniture as volunteers.  John has been a team member and given several talks at Confirmation and Cursillo retreats.   In addition to his faith, John has two other passions fishing and gardening.  Pam likes to decorate her home and travel.  Their vacations are often pilgrimages to various shrines throughout the western and eastern world.  John is self-employed as a software consultant.

James and Terri Greer are members of Blessed Kateri Tekawitha Parish, Plymouth.  Their sons Joshua and Kristopher are in their teens.  Jim graduated from Hull High School and joined the Coast Guard.  While in the Coast Guard, Jim earned a B. S. in Health Administration from St. Joseph's College, Maine.  After 21 years of service Jim retired in 1997.  Presently, he is employed as an Operations Coordinator for the Cancer Center Infusion Unit at Mass. General Hospital.  Terri is employed by the Town of Plymouth in the Tax Collector's Office.  Jim has served on the parish council, as a religious education teacher, Confirmation retreat leader and presently as Youth Minister for his parish.  Terri assists Jim in many of these endeavors.  For enjoyment they spend time with their sons as band parents and encouraging them in their scouting and sports.  Jim enjoys a round of golf while Terri enjoys walking the dog along the waterfront.

Martin and Mary Henry are members of St. Joseph the Worker Parish, Hanson.  They are the parents of Martin and Erin both of whom are young adults.   Martin came to the Boston after completing studies at Ballinafad College in Co. Mayo, Ireland.   In July 1976 he married Mary Deeney and they settled in Rockland. By profession "Mattie" is a musician. With his brother and friends, Mattie helped to build a 5 piece Irish dance band traveling all over the United States, and parts of Canada.  Mattie has been engaged in music ministry, lectoring, visiting the sick and elderly, adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and fund raising.  Presently, Mattie and Mary operate their own Irish Music Distribution Business out of their home in Pembroke. In their leisure time they enjoy gardening, traveling, and walking and dancing to Irish music.

Mary and George Gabriel are members of Sacred Heart Parish, Middleboro. They are the parents of Marie and Tom, young adults, who are  currently college students.  After graduation from Wareham High School, George enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps serving for three years.  George earned his Bachelor's degree from Univ. of Massachusetts, Boston in microbiology. Mary graduated University of Massachusetts with a major in English.  Later, George earned his pilot's license and became a ground and flight instructor.  He was hired by the Saudi Arabia Airlines, and developed a flight-training program for the airlines.  They lived in Saudi Arabia in very perilous and unsettled times.  George and Mary served the Catholic community in the "underground Church".  Presently, they serve in a variety of ministries at Sacred Heart Parish.  For leisure they enjoy horseback riding, swimming, biking, pleasure flying, and time together.

Diaconia Editorial Staff

Coordinator of Publication: Sister Clare O’Keefe

Editors: Andrew J. Acampora, Charles A. Cornell, Sarah Gindel, Frank Mandosa, Leo Martin, Dennis Vandi

Members of the Diaconate Community are encouraged to submit ideas, articles, photography that might be of interest to the Community. Submit by mail to the office or by email to cac@stisidorestow.org.